Bare Bones by Kathy Reichs

This is a Kathy Reichs novel. Narrative, speech, everything:

Snap. Snappety snap snap snap. Snappety snap. Snap. 

This is me writing an angry email:

Clack. Clackety clack clack clack. Clackety clack. Clack. 

What I draw from the similarities is that Temperance Brennan, forensic anthropologist extraordinaire makes Reichs angry. I can’t say I blame her. Either that or she doesn’t know what a semi colon is.

Tempe Brennan is holier than thou. Especially when thou is Detective Slidell, who she thinks is a swamp monster. Or words to that effect. Considering how bitchy she is about the appearance of everyone she meets (the ladies in particular), it’s confusing that she gets so upset when other people do the same thing. People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. Tempe is also a recovering alcoholic, which explains the amount of diet coke she gets through. I presume Reichs gets paid per placement. Oh, and she rolls her eyes a lot – because she’s basically a stroppy teenager.

Out of interest, how do you pronounce Tempe? Temp? Tempé? I’m guessing the former, but why bother with the e?

The story itself is formulaic enough not to deserve much mention. It was an impressive feat to make so many characters and so many loose ends link together in such an obvious and forced manner. Occasionally there was an interesting science section. More often there was a dull science section, or Tempe explaining something sciencey to someone with the help of her personal motto – KISS – Keep It Simple, Stupid! – I nearly shredded the book when I heard that gem.

The thing that interested me most in the story was the personal relationships and their lack of depth. Tempe has a daughter, who seems quite spiteful. Tempe warns her that her life could be in danger after she receives threatening emails. Daughter storms off in a huff and goes on holiday without telling mum.

Tempe also has a Canadian boyfriend. Or rather, a guy she’s worked with for ten years, who she’s decided to try hooking up with. It took them ten years to get to this stage because they talk in sentences consisting of a maximum of five words. Mostly cracking shit jokes. I’m a bit suspicious of the boyfriend actually. Even after sleeping together and expressing their mutual interest in being together, she continues to refer to him by his surname. Also, at the end he says “s’il vous plaît”, not “s’il te plaît”. Very formal for someone so close. He’s probably just after a visa.

I’m going to leave this here before it gets too clack clackety clack clack clackety clack. 

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