The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkein

There are some hobbits that you just don’t take a shine to. Those Baggins living under the hill for example. Always going on about how very well off they are. Always whinging about the Sackville-Baggins and how they’re trying to steal their hobbit hole. Always looking down on the Tooks for being a little bit less middle class.


That Frodo is bad enough – am I only the only one who’s going to scream if I hear about that flipping ring and what a burden it is to him one more time? Give it to bloody Samwise then you work-shy scrounger, living off Uncle Bilbo’s treasure trove. I bet Sam wouldn’t make such a big deal about it. Nor would Merry and Pippin (an altogether more interesting type of hobbit, in my opinion).

Uncle Bilbo is worse if anything. First he doesn’t want to go on an adventure, then he does, then he wants to be at home, feels a bit smug every time he does anything remotely clever, and then he just ends up getting everyone into all kinds of trouble. Always showing off with him magic ring, being a bit needy with it. You’re as bad as Smeagol, you are. If you like the Shire so much, why don’t you stay there? 

And you pretentious elves with your Elrond Hubbard can piss off as well. 

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